Things I heard at Fast Food Joints:

At Jack-In-The-Box: “Can I have a Whopper with cheese.”

At Jack-In-The-Box: “Can I have a chicken faGEEta.” --Cashier corrects the customer, “faHEEta.” Customer, “no, not fa hee, ta go…”

At Burger King: “I’ll take a Jumbo-Jack.”

At Jack-In-The-Box: “Do you know why Mr. Jack was in jail?” Cashier, “Oh, I don’t know, I can ask the manager…”

At McDonald’s: “Can I have a Big Breakfast, eggs over medium.”

At McDonald’s: “Can I have a McRibb. Oh, you don’t have that here, darn. Ok, I’ll just take fries, do you have the classic fries, you know the ones that taste good? Oh you don’t have those anymore, shucks…And you don’t serve breakfast now right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’ll just take a Coke. Oh, you only have Pepsi… Hmm, okay, can I have an ice cream cone in a cup? Oh, shoot, out of ice cream huh…Okay, well thanks…” And finally walks away.

At Wendy’s: “Can I have a 99 cent chili, a 99 cent Frosty, and a 99 cent burger –Will five dollars be enough?”

At Togo’s sandwich shop: “Can I have the peppers on the side.” Cashier, “Left or right?”

At Carl’s Junior: “What time do you open?” Cashier, “We are open.” Cust: “How early?” Cashier: “It’s not that early, it’s already 10am.”

At McDonald’s: “Can you please change your baby in the bathroom; people have to eat on that table you know…”

At McDonald’s: “I just tripped on one of your five ‘Caution: Wet floor’ signs, and the floor is not even wet…”

At Wendy’s: “Do you have any finger foods?”

At Taco Bell: “Can I have a large pepperoni pizza to go.”

At Taco Bell: “What time do you close?” Cashier, “we don’t, we’re open 24 hours now.” Cust, “Even better dude, what time do you open?”

At McDonalds: “Can I have a Big Mac.” No answer. “Do you speak English?” Cashier, “Lo siento, no hablo Ingles.”

At Dominos Pizza: “Can I have a large combo.” Cashier, “We’re not taking anymore orders today.” Cust, “why?” Cashier, “because we just fired the cook, he was um, picking his nose over the pizzas.”

At Taco Bell: “Look at that, tell me what that is?” Manager looks at the pubic hair and gives him another taco. Me and the six people behind him are disgusted, but place our orders anyway…

At Dandy Dogs: “I want a refund.” Owner, “no refund, how do I know the bug did not fall from your head?”

At Dandy Dogs: “I wanna speak to the manager. You are the manager? Then I want to speak to the owner. You are the owner? I want to speak to your boss. No boss? You gotta have a boss, get me the franchise director on the phone now?” I tap the guy on the shoulder, tell him I’m a lawyer and will personally make sure the BBC complaint committee gets word of this outrage...He thanks me and walks away. The owner gives me a free coke.

At McDonalds: “To go or for stay?” --Is this proper English? They all seem to talk like this on the East Coast.

Togo’s Sandwich Shop: “Do you know you are making my sandwich with a bloody, soggy, band-aid on your thumb?” Sandwich maker: “I know, I’m sorry I can’t find my gloves.” Co-worker: “I saw a pair on the bathroom floor.” Sandwich maker: “Hey, can you get it for me?...”

KFC: "Do you have a whole chicken, original recipe?”