Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Tech Support Follies

It’s the year 1992, I’m at work in a tech support job, the phone rings, and I have to answer it:

Me: Tech support, this is Vince Parker.
Cust: Who dis?
Me: This is Vince Parker.
Cust: Trench?
Me: Uh, Vince.
Cust: Hi Trench, I need some help installing this software.
Me: Uh, do you have the latest version?
Cust: How I tell dat?
Me: Which size disk you have, 3 1/2 or 5 1/4? (The latest version was on a three and a half inch disk versus the older five and quarter inch.)
Cust: I don't know, how I tell what size dicks I have? Oops! Ha ha, I mean dicks. Oops, oh my lord. Ha ha. Di..Diss..cks. I can’t say dat word, ha ha…
Me: No problem, it’s a hard one.
Cust: (silence) Ha ha, oooh, I’m sorry brotha you cracken me up…Okay, how I tell what dissk I got? (Huh, I think she thinks I’m black.)
Me: Do you have the disk in front of you?
Cust: Yeah nigga got it right hea in front a ma face, hehe (Yup, she thinks I’m black, I think it’s my name Parker and the fact I tend to talk in the same manner/accent as my customers)
Me: Well, is the disk small blue and hard, or Big Black and Floppy?
Cust: (silence) Heeeeeeeee, heeee, akk*@choke$%, heee heee ha ha haaaaaa he he @choke$% he he...Okay...It's...It's...hehe...the Big... Black one he heeee.

Me: Okay, okay, so you got a hold of it?
Cust: Heeee he..Yeaha…He he.
Me: Okay good, now make sure the label is up, and stick it in the Big slot, not the small one…etc. etc…

I swear she could not stop laughing, she was a fun person, and I wanted to work in her office... The next two calls in combination one right after the other was very freaky:

Me: Tech support, this is Vincent Parker.
Cust1: Mitten?
Me: No, Vincent. (Who the hell has a name of Mitten?)
Cust1: Gretchen?
Me: No, Vincent, V-I-N-C-E-N-T.
Cust1: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were a woman…
Me: ...May I have your name please. (standard question because that’s how we verified they were a registered owner)
Cust1: Vince Williams.
Me: I’m sorry, did you say Stinch?
Cust1: Vince, V-I-N-C-E same name as you boy…(he thought I was black too.)

So I finish the call and the phone rings again immediately after I hung up with Vince Williams:

Me: Tech support, this is Vincent Parker. (in a clear, deeper voice)
Cust2: Hi Vincent, I need tech support.
Me: Okay, may I have your name please?
Cust2: Mitten Adchareevulacul. (what?)
Me: Did you say Mitten? M-I-T-T-E-N?
Cust2: Yes…

I could not believe it, but sure enough there was a Mitten Adchareevulacul in the registration book. What are the odds or that happening on the very next call? Let alone at all? What kind of name is “Mitten” anyway?

Through the years on the phone, I’ve been mistaken for Dennis, Vance, Vinch, Stench, Ben, Benson, Trance, Trench, Gretchen, Finch, Pince, Prince, John? Smith, Wince, Pincent, Wincent, etc, etc…And Mitten!


Captain Jeff said...

Lol... that is quite te coincidence, there... aint it... i used te try to speak in te same types o' patterns as te customers, but some thought I was being condescending... know what I mean?

Vince said...

Ahoy Cap'n...'twaz tru' amazin'.

It be not Condescendin' if ye feelin' it wit yer bones matey.

RagDoll said...

LOL! I love it! I have had similar experiences. Try taking calls for an ambulance company! Mind if I add you to my blog roll? Nice to 'see' another San Jose blogger.

RagDoll said...

*embarassed* Uh, Customer Support? I surfed in through Blog Advance, and have no idea how to find your blog address to bookmark your site. I even tried clicking on profile to no avail. Help?

Vince said...

ragdoll--Hmm Ambulance company sounds more fun, I think...I left a note on your blog regarding my URL:

My brother has a '69 Charger all original parts, including the 440 magnum big block. I love just sitting in that car...

Your blog and blog roll are cool, I'll be seeing you around.

RagDoll said...

Hello Vince!

Thanks! I will add your link! I will post pictures of the panel engine bay. It really IS a bay. Although, we had to modify the hood to tilt forward so we could sit in it as we worked. AND to avoid hitting our heads on it.

I too, grew up here in East San Jose, moved away, and moved right back. I was not 'techinically' a tech support artist...although I guess you can call it that. I was an EMT/Supervisor/Dispatcher. You would not (well OK...I think you would) believe the calls we would get. (If you to my 'FAQs about The Corporal', I have a post on it.)

Thanks again for the url. Take care!

69 Charger??? ooooooo!