Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Monday Monday!

I just got harassed by the Federal Blog Controller Agency (FBCA) for not making my Monday Post. They came to my house at 12:01 am Tuesday and dragged me to court. I tried to defend myself but Al Gore, the head of the FBCA, caught me dead to rights and fined me $5000. Here are the court proceedings:

Gore: Records show you were late on your Monday Post.
Vince: I posted it on time; it was a computer glitch, power surge or something.
Gore: That’s impossible, our computer technology is state-of-the-art and it does not lie. I want answers.
Vince: You want answers?
Gore: I think I'm entitled to them.
Vince: You want answers?
Gore: I want the truth!
Vince: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be manned by men who make decisions. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the Blogger yet you curse a Late Post. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that a certain decision, while tragic, probably enhances lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, enhances lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like blog honor, blog code, blog loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent achieving something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very Blog I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you click on a mouse and man a Blog. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Gore: Were you late on your Monday Post?
Vince: (quietly) I did the job God sent me to do.

(spoof on a movie dialog between Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruz.) 


Billy said...

Never ever have a debate with Al Gore on the topic of the internet. Remember, he's the father of it. Without him, it wouldn't be there.

I love checking out your posts. The early morning chuckle gets me through the day. :-D

Steve said...

Ok that was better... I love the Few Good Men take on Gore. Absolutely hilarious. Check these prank calls out from Nicholson

I ran into Dianne Feinstein this morning (literally).

Should be a funny post on my blog later today or tomorrow. Funny because I am a

Colleen said...

I just LoVe the "Whoop Ass" picture! :D

desertdiamond said...

A Few Good Men is one of my favorite movies...even though it has psycho Tom in it...argh...oh wait, that was your ape blog...sorry....

Anyway....loved laughing this morning, I needed it!! Can't wait til next Monday...

Vince said...

Billy--I have a feeling your sense of humor is dryer then mine--I thought Gore invented the dog?

Steve--LMFAO, that link was awesome. I had to listen to them all. You ran into Feinstein? Was she packing a gun?

Collen--Yeah, that pic still makes me laugh.

DD--I love movies with powerful actors and lines. Remember when he said, "You fu__ed with the wrong marine, I'll rip off your head and piss in your dead skull."--shocking.

I don't know why so many women dislike Tom Cruise? I find nothing wrong with him. First time I saw him was in Risky Business dancing in his underwear.

madman said...

This has to be one of the funniest blogs on the internet. If you had some naked ladies you could be number ONE!

HOW said...

FINALLY!!! Glad you had a chance to post! Tickled my funny bone! Do you know where I might pick up one of those cans of "whoop ass", could really use one right now!!!

Ms Peculiar said...

OMG- I am cracking up over here. I found your post through Genelle's and I wanted to thank you for your prayers. I will be back because I am still cracking up.

Mike said...

We want to become president so we can blow shit up! Seriously, great post and great blog.

Best Buy said...

Great stuff on golf course maintenance equipment and I even bookmarked you! Of course I do have a similar page about golf course maintenance equipment

Vince said...

Madman--Coming from you that's a real compliment, thanks. Your blogs have been among the most entertaining I've seen out there, I hope you can keep it up, even just a little as time spares...

HOW--I know, I wish I had a couple of those cans laying around too.

MsP--You're welcome about the prayers...I've seen you around, I like the way you straight shoot and say it like it is. I plan to visit your blog too, I know it will be interesting.

M and M--I'm glad I found your blog, it's always a pleasure to read :-)

Best Buy--I love spam, especially fried in a pan until crispy brown.