Loser

So I was feeling a little down when I met my buddy at the bowling alley. I carried my ball in a large paint bucket because my brother had used my bowling bag to hold the bounty he caught on a fishing trip.

The first thing my buddy said was, “you look like a loser. No one carries their ball in a bucket!”

So we sat down in the alley for a cup of coffee before our game, and my buddy asks, “Would you rob a bank if you had a ‘get out of jail free card’ ?”
“What kind of question is that?” I said.
“Well, would you?”
“Nah, I’d rather rob an armored car, less people involved.”
“How would you do it?”
“Without hurting anybody,“ I said. “It would have to be an inside job.”
“I could be the insider.” He said.
“No, you’re an idiot, and can’t lie if your life depended on it.”
“True.” He said. “But I don’t want to split it with anyone else, so you would have to be the insider.”
“Who said you’d be in on it?”
“It was my idea?”
“This is not even real, you’re not going to be part of it.”
“Then I’ll tell.”
“Go ahead, it’s not even real, and besides I get a ‘get out of jail free card.”
“I can’t believe you’d cut me out like that, and it was my idea.” He said.
“Well you’re ratting me out, before I even have a plan! Idiot!”
“I couldn’t trust you anyway!”
“Look who’s talking. Rat!”
He gets up to go to the head. While he’s away, a cute girl says goodbye to her friends, and comes up and looks in my bucket. She thought there was a kitten in there or something. We start talking and my buddy comes back from the head with a hand full of paper towels he uses to clean the holes of the rental bowling balls. He takes over the conversation and asks her if she knew where he can get some cheap bowling shoes. (he hates having to use rental shoes that others have worn.) And she knows someone! They get into a conversation and I find out she’s related to Pocahontas. I sit there watching them interact and realize I’m out of the equation. After 15 minutes they end up leaving together, and I’m left alone with my bucket feeling like a loser and thanking God I wasn’t wearing my bowling shirt. I did not even get to bowl. Whose cutting who out, I thought. And it was MY bucket, and she was MY catch!

So I order a cheese burger and pushed the bucket out with my foot to see what else I could catch. A girl soon comes up and looks in the bucket, then smiles at me. But she’s like 9 years old. I ask her, “your not really in your 30’s, but look really young are you?” (hey, you never know.) She says, “no” and walks away. Then I see her with her friends looking in my direction giggling. I feel like a loser…