Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Why I ride

A buddy and I have a smoke outside the sushi bar after lunch…

Bud: Why do you ride that motorcycle anyway?

Vin: It’s a chick magnet.

Bud: What, you like chicks that smoke, drink beer and have tattoos?

Vin: Heck yeah! Besides, it attracts all women—the danger, the inhibition—turns ‘em on.

Bud: It attracts skanks. You like skanks?

Vin: Heck yeah!

Bud: Liar!

Vin: What? You just don’t know the beauty of a skank.

Bud: Haha, what beauty? A crack head skank? You’re tellin’ me you would do a slutty, oily, sweaty, smelly dirty skank?

Vin: [I pause to think]

Bud: Haha See? You wouldn’t.

Vin: No, I was just thinking of some skanks I’ve met. You just don’t have a clue ‘cause you never get out. The skanks I’m thinking of—they’re the bomb man, I’d do ‘em in a heart beat!

Bud: You’re full of sh_t!

Vin: Fine, more for me, you’ll never know what your missing. A skank is like Heaven on Earth dude.

My buddy shakes his head, and just then a skank comes out of the liquor store and he starts cracking up.

Bud: Hey! What’s you’re tee-shirt say? [to the skank]

The skank turns around and shows him, it says “Guys and Brains Don’t Mix!”

Bud: Hey, I don’t agree with that!

Skank: You agree with this? [she lifts her shirt over her breasts.]

Bud: [Jaw drops]

Vin: Damn!

Skank: [puts her shirt back down.] You wanna help me carry this bag to my car?

My buddy helps her to her car, carrying her little bag full of probably smokes, condoms and booze. He comes back with a phone number and a big smile on his face.

Bud: Look what I got. Oh yeah baby! See how it’s done!

Vin: You got a phone number of a skank, wake up!!!

Bud: But you were just saying…

Vin: You gotta be choosey when you go skanking homer, not all skanks are equal. I can’t believe you just got pussy whipped by a skank.

Bud: Well I like this one, her name’s Sara.

Vin: I don’t care if her name’s Paris Hilton, you’ll need triple layer condoms with that one.

Bud: Don’t worry about it. Hey, I need to borrow your bike tomorrow night.

Vin: No way. Why?

Bud: I told her the bike was mine…


Biker ho said...

Hey - I might be a ho but I ain't no skank.

Ho's know better than to get on the back with just anyone!

Denny Shane said...

Vince buddy... my mouth dropped open, I am speechless. lol

Vince said...

biker ho--Like I was trying to get through to my buddy, even the skakiest of skanks can be upgraded to a biker ho. In fact, even the classiest of broads can be upgraded to a biker ho. Damn! I'm goin' for a ride now, you've just got my gears revvved up--later.

biker ho said...


~d said...

Your buddy don't KNOW what he's missing! Jeez-I'll ride bitch on the back of that fine-ass bike ANY day!
(guess that sounds like I think I am all that AND a bag of chips.)
What I mean is: I am totally attracted, tattooed, I do not drink-ask Josie! I have been known to smoke stuff in my time, and most of all I am a chick!
I am SOOO not a skank!
FINE ass bike, man! WHOA!

~d said...

Your pix are enlarge-able. SO FINE! What IS it?!
Is it (by any chance?) the new Road Bob?
Fine, fine FINE with those studs-YEAOOOWWW!!
(cold shower time for ME!)

Vince said...

Denny--get a bike dude...Even if you just park it in you living room as a conversation piece!

~d-- you have no idea what you've done to my ego. It's gone! Flew out the window to dance and play.

What kind of bike is it? Well, what do you want it to be?

Jozee said...

It's studly.
Friends don't let friends borrow their bikes do they?
Isn't that kinda like letting someone borrow your woman?

~d said...

Eff man! I so totally will wear the shirt that says "the Bitch" and you can wear one that says "if you can read this the bitch fell off"

DID YOU HEAR what the Native Americans are stirring shit up about in Sturigs?!? Now, I am Am In. Ok...so I can say whatever the hell I want. Well-I have several bits and pieces...but have YOU heard?
I LIKE the sound and feel of a Harley, but I understand there is a Honda that has the same sound.
I will lean towards a Softail FatBoy or a Street Bob.

Vince said...

Josie--You're right, no one borrow's a man's bike. But women? They can be lended out, no problem...

~d--Yeah, I've heard about it. A half million riders come through town during Sturgis. But they are now building open air bars and campgrounds way too close to sacred grounds. I have to stand by the Native Indians on this one, they're not trying to stop the ralley, but rather detour it from sacred grounds.

I was against the banning of the Hollister Rally here in California. The city said NO this year after 60 years of tradition and fun for a quarter million bikers. I went anyway and there were only 5,000 of us there this year, illegally.

Fatboy and Street Bob are good choices. But so are the Road King, Heritage Classic and the rest...I just can't decide which one I want more!!!! So for now, I got a Farley. A fake Harley. Custom. Looks like a Harley, but I can't get the sound quite to match. Cagers (people who drive cars) all think it's a Harley. I got it for the reliability. And it rides close enough to a Harley for me, for now. It's my One Eyed Pony.

Dawn said...

vince, geeze that's a hot bike :)

i have tattoos, but if i start smoking and drinking beer, then can i have a ride on your bike???? pretty please :)

Gun-Toting Liberal said...

Your buddy learned that there is a HUGE difference between "skank" and "SKANK". I'm all about "skank", but your buddy can have the "SKANK"... not interested, frankly.

"skank" can wind up bein' the marryin' type... "SKANK" can never be..

I'm afraid one must ride a bike for a few years before one truly understands the difference between "skank" and "SKANK"... but that's just me ;-)

Vince said...

Dawn--I quit smoking today! Friday Aug. 3rd 2006. For reals. And I've become alergic to alcohol. So you are fine the way you are--Hey you forgot the piercings!

Sure I'll give you a ride. So can you give me a snowmobile ride if I get my ear pierced? :)

GTL--Hey, I came across a sKanK tonight! It's a compromise between a skank and a SKANK. A sKanK is neither a 'never be' or a 'can be'--But It's a hellava place 'to be' !!!

PDD said...

I have never been turned on by bikes or anything of enormous value. The most prominent film producer on the planet and I still wouldn't sleep with him. (I am a screenwriter so a prominent producer means everything, I think) Only if I want to and if I am in the mood. The mood, yes, that's most of the time but it has got nothing to do with a man of luxury. Women have clitoris'. If you know how to use it you've got a leach.

Could you really handle a leach?

Vince said...

PDD--A motorcycle is basically a giant motorized vibrator. And when a woman clutches her arms around you for dear life, you basically got a leach in heat.

Hell no I can't handle a leach. That's why I replaced my back seat with a luggage rack.

Dawn said...

absolutely!! :)

Colleen said...

*laughing* :)

Steve said...

So fake... I see the Lexus SUV parked in front of the garage! :)

Funny shit though... It's good. I laughed like hell actually because I had no idea.

Highly recommend reading Vince's blog while listening to Boston's first album.

Steve said...

Oh Vince... by the way, go read my blog... You are a winner!!! Number 50,000!!!

Jozee said...

No back seat. How are you gonna share your woman when there's no room for one?
Where's the banana split pic?

Vince said...

Dawn--Okay, cool. Can I do a clip on instead of a piercing though?

Colleen--I meet with this buddy this week sometime to see what happend with the skank.

Steve --Haha, great idea with the Boston Album!!!

Josie--the woman can ride in front. But she'll have to bend over and clutch the gas tank so I have a better view when I ride!

The banana split picture is still in the camera right now...

~d said...

What if the woman rides in front FACING back?

Vince said...

~d--I don't know...Sounds rather intense, I wouldn't know if I were coming or going. Probably be a short ride...I better post a new topic soon before I get myelf into trouble.