Spiritless Ghosts:

Researchers in Denmark claim to have cloned the first batch of Poltergeists. “Unlike ‘real’ Poltergeists, these clones are ‘soulless’, and not subject to Human or Animal Rights laws.”

These clones can move objects, or perform any simple physical duty you train it to. The potential benefit to mankind is unreal—here are a few projects already in progress:

Ghost by sarahstierch on flickr

--Poltergeist Pets: No mess, no loud barking, no veterinary costs.
--Poltergeist Companions: Won’t complain if you smoke; won’t take up a seat on the subway; endless electrifying, and safe sex; undetectable affairs; won’t eat your food; can be trained for simple tasks such as picking your nose and wiping your butt.
--Poltergeist tool set: Crafty Ghost can turn screws and nuts. Snake Ghost can clean out stopped drainage without caustic chemicals or a plumber; Garden Ghost can zap bugs to keep your garden healthy.
--Political Poltergeist: Tapper Ghost can infiltrate any location without need for warrant or wire tapping.
--Ordained Poltergeists: Can exorcize real Poltergeists without need of a Priest.

Critics warn the unholy alliance with Poltergeists can only lead to trouble and open a Pandora’s Box. “By God, these entities can be sent via email! Life has a way of ‘finding a way’, and it won’t be long before these spiritless clones learn to perhaps ‘steal’ souls and propagate.”