Thursday, January 17, 2013

Copyright Law Guide for Stupid Idiots

This is an informational post provided to clarify the complexities of copyright law for the benefit of the common stupid idiot for the purpose of avoiding lawsuits.  

Original Painting of the Molenalisa: all rights reserved.

We will use the painting to the left as a sample.  In this case, I painted a picture of a hairy mole on my buddies face. 

  • This would seem LEGAL, because it is a work of art I labored to paint. 
  • But it is ILLEGAL, because instead of looking at my buddies actual face, I painted the picture by looking at a copy of a picture that my buddy took of his mole, thus making a copy of his copy, which is ILLEGAL.
  • But, there is a way I can make this LEGAL again.  Under the  "Fair Use" law, I can paint a copy of his copy LEGALLY if I criticize and pass judgement on his copy of his mole as required by law:  So here goes, "The hairy mole in this picture is very ugly, and belongs to my buddy who is a stupid idiot."  --There.  It's that simple!  Now my copy of my buddies copy of his copy of his mole that you see on your screen is LEGAL again. Cool. 
  • But there can be a problem.  If I use my camera and take a proud self-portrait of myself,  and the image of my heretofore LEGAL painting of the copy of my buddies mole from the copy of my buddies photocopy of his mole shows up in the mirror behind me as a reflection of a reflection on my kitchen window, of my computer screen, then this will once again make my painting of my buddies mole ILLEGAL as it shows up in my picture of me in the background as a reflection of a reflection of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of my friends mole.  So now my pic is ILLEGAL again.
  • But only the part of the new picture showing the reflection of my computer screen is ILLEGAL.
  • But I can make it wholly LEGAL again by getting down on my knees and kissing my buddies bare feet, and beg him to allow me to keep the reflection in my picture.
  • Once this is done, my buddy can still sue me because I have a photographic memory and hold a copy of the image of his mole in my mind, making it ILLEGAL again so he can sue anyways.
  • But I can make it LEGAL again by allowing my buddy to hit me in the head with a rock until he is satisfied my memory is erased, or have my brain wiped clean electromagnetically, or have my frontal lobes surgically removed.
Just to be safe, I would also: 

  • Keep all my paint brushes, computers, and cameras in a locked safe at all times
  • Get trigger locks on my cameras
  • Only limit my cameras to a one gig memory capacity
  • Include all said articles as hazards in my insurance policies
  • Never carry a camera concealed, or loaded with batteries
  • Only shoot photos or draw if my life depends on it
  • And have at least 5 defense lawyers on retainer and spread evenly across the nation.  

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