Saturday, February 25, 2006

Top 10 Figure Skating Facts:




10.) Figure skating is the only sport where the most sought after photos are crouch shots.

9.) No butt ugly contestant has ever won a gold metal in figure skating.

8.) Sexual elegance between couples are judged as part of the sport. Exotic sex acts win points while penalties occur if the acts are too raunchy and basically a turn off.

7.) Fifty percent of the sport is about sex; however you get penalized if your outfit is too sexy.

6.) Only sport where the viewing of scantly clad girls is deemed suitable for young children, and where young children are actually encouraged to participate.

5.) A gay couple has never won a gold metal in figure skating--yet.

4.) More affairs between coach and athlete occur in figure skating, than all other sports combined.

3.) There are more sexual abuse cases between coach and athlete happen in figure skating than all other sports put together.

2.) It's the only sport where a man can reach up under a woman's dress and grab her crouch, flip her into a 69 with his face between her legs and her face in his crouch, push her to her knees and hold her face against his crouch, grind his crouch against her crouch, cup her breasts, fondle her butt, put her face against his butt, jam his nose in her butt, place his crouch in her butt, rest his face on her bossism, rub his body all up and down hers then turn her over and do it from behind, and finally kiss her on the lips after the routine--then win a gold metal.

And the number 1.) fact about figure skating: It’s the only sport I really want to play, but can’t--Every time I even try to grab a girl for a pick-up game, I just get slapped away!?!

11 comments:

Dawn said...

you can play, vince. maybe you're not looking in the right places? have you tried a gymnist? they get those tiny little spandex thingies, too, with lots of crotch shots. dont think they get as much action with their coaches,though.

never quite figured out how these women dont get wedgies from their spandexie things up their butts? its truly a mystery in life. would you happen to know?

Vince said...

Dawn, your coyness is an example of why men create the great achievements they do… All you have to do is shift your eyes in that mischievous way, and that will be more exiting to a man than some skating game.
Anyway, I think I looked in the right place last week, but I’m getting older now and by the time I found a suitable player, I forgot why I was there!
Then I had a chance with an ex-gymnast in her 40’s who could still bend in untellable ways. But when I tried to make my move, I couldn’t get out of my chair! My back had twisted in a spasm and I could only sit there looking like I had constipation…
I know the answer to the wedgies thing. I think the gymnasts do get them. But for figure skating, the whole costume is basically a full body nylon, with the clothes sewed on top of it. So this makes wedgies impossible. –I can’t believe I’m sitting here talking about wedgies man :)

jungle jane said...

classic! i love how the lady in the picture didn't bother shaving.

Vince PLEASE review synchronised swimming - i beg you!

Bloodgood said...

Im with Jane that is the funiest post Ive read all day. I will never look at figure skating the same again.

RocksAndChairs said...

haha omg that is all so true...well i don't know about the number one reason...

i never even thought about it that way.

Vince said...

Jungle Jane--I'll give it a shot...

Bloodgood--Maybe you gotta watch it twice, once for the sport, and once for the other stuff...

RSC--Only reason I thought about it was I asked my self why I felt so uncomfortable watching it with my parents...

Fuckkit said...

When you attempt to grab the girl are you actually on the ice? Coz it's not quite the same when you're at the bus stop now is it.

Vince said...

fuckkit--Just a little practice game; can try a few lifts just about anywhere don't you think? But I never tried that ice thing, sounds a bit kinky.

just me said...

Hey Vince,
Found your blog thru Colleens Crazy Babblings.

LOVE IT! I will be back! Thanks for the laughs!

Leon said...

Wow, and I thought figure skating was for wusses. Where do I sign up?

Vince said...

erin--I know Colleen from her other blog. I think the blog you mention may be a private one so I won't try to find it, I know it can be valuable to have a blog where no one knows you...I'll have to stop by your blog too.

leon--same here, I'll let you know if I ever find out!