Thursday, June 01, 2006

If I were King…

I’d be at the beach right now.

I’d bring my armies home from Iraq. Iraq is not my Kingdom.

I’d let Iran alone. But warn if they harm my Kingdom or my friends, then harm will come unto them.

I’d buy everyone in my Kingdom a brand new Harley, or a 72 inch flat screen LCD HDTV ready TV, or a grand piano—their choice.

I would dabble with acting and play opposite Vin Diesel as the bad guy.

I would live modestly in my Castle, but throw a smashing party at least once a month with plenty of good hearty meat and drink.

Drugs, prostitution, gambling--all legal. Except for minors.

Everyone can say ANYTHING they want. The ‘N’ word becomes defused and just another word. People of all colors and orientations love each other.

9/11 would never had happened and there is no threat of terror—Osama would get his 72 virgins without having to give his life.

Mexico would be thriving and illegal immigration not a problem.

Anyone can commit any crime they want. But they risk getting something chopped off--maybe their head or private parts. No need for prisons. (and their Harley would be taken away.)

Guns and shooting ranges are plentiful, and you can ‘carry’ concealed anywhere; but people will rarely have to, or want to.

Out of a job? Join the New Army. No age restrictions. There is a job for everyone. No need for Welfare.

And on the 7th day, I shall rest…

10 comments:

ME said...

Now that is the exact opposite of what really happened in Rome, are you on a theme here or what your highness? Where do we nominate?

Erin O'Brien said...

You pick out a queen yet, baby?

Here's my qualifications.

Vince said...

me--A King doesn't need a nomination. I just have to prove I'm a descendant of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. You have a life-time pass to all my parties.

erin—Would you settle for Duchess of everything East of the Mississippi? You are simply too qualified to stand in any man’s shadow…And that ‘link’ almost gave me a heart attack.

Erin O'Brien said...

You bet.

Erin Duchess of Everthing. Nice.

But I'll just be a kitten for you, baby.

Vince said...

Erin—you neglect “East of the Mississippi” as a limiting factor. Perhaps controlling your power would be a good idea. And I will remain a somewhat tamed lion for you, uh, babe.

blah said...

ok seriously....funniest thing i have read all day...and perhaps will be the funniest this week.....erin and her "qualifications"...classic erin....classic....i love it!!

Steve said...

I want to be Deputy Sheriff of Good and Plenty...

Vince said...

az--this was supposed to be a serious post--erin's the guilty one who turned it into a circus.

steve--That's a serious responsibility, but if you promise to bring Good and Fruity back, then you got the job!!!

Steve said...

Good and Fruity?? Are you forgetting I am a Republican?

Vince said...

Steve -- Haha...Damnit your right! So am I. You are the PERFECT man for the job!!!