This picture released by PETA calling for the boycott of sea-food giant BL over alleged mistreatment of giant lobsters--
“The captive crustaceans are routinely tortured and humiliated--forced to publicly mate with VW Beetles and in one case a ’67 Corvette Stingray.”
Hillary Rodham Clinton expresses her utter disgust with the debacle, and urges the crustaceans be "treated with total respect up until the moment they are boiled and served on the dinner plate..."
(Note: Artists renditions may not reflect actual likeness; photos, if allowed, probably would render closer likeness as translated by our minds from electromagnetic wave frequencies.)
It’s the year 1992, I’m at work in a tech support job, the phone rings, and I have to answer it:
Me: Tech support, this is Vince Parker.
Cust: Who dis?
Me: This is Vince Parker.
Cust: Trench?
Me: Uh, Vince.
Cust: Hi Trench, I need some help installing this software.
Me: Uh, do you have the latest version?
Cust: How I tell dat?
Me: Which size disk you have, 3 1/2 or 5 1/4? (The latest version was on a three and a half inch disk versus the older five and quarter inch.)
Cust: I don't know, how I tell what size dicks I have? Oops! Ha ha, I mean dicks. Oops, oh my lord. Ha ha. Di..Diss..cks. I can’t say dat word, ha ha…
Me: No problem, it’s a hard one.
Cust: (silence) Ha ha, oooh, I’m sorry brotha you cracken me up…Okay, how I tell what dissk I got? (Huh, I think she thinks I’m black.)
Me: Do you have the disk in front of you?
Cust: Yeah nigga got it right hea in front a ma face, hehe (Yup, she thinks I’m black, I think it’s my name Parker and the fact I tend to talk in the same manner/accent as my customers)
Me: Well, is the disk small blue and hard, or Big Black and Floppy?
Cust: (silence) Heeeeeeeee, heeee, akk*@choke$%, heee heee ha ha haaaaaa he he @choke$% he he...Okay...It's...It's...hehe...the Big... Black one he heeee.Me: Okay, okay, so you got a hold of it?Cust: Heeee he..Yeaha…He he.Me: Okay good, now make sure the label is up, and stick it in the Big slot, not the small one…etc. etc…
I swear she could not stop laughing, she was a fun person, and I wanted to work in her office... The next two calls in combination one right after the other was very freaky:
Me: Tech support, this is Vincent Parker.
Cust1: Mitten?
Me: No, Vincent. (Who the hell has a name of Mitten?)
Cust1: Gretchen?
Me: No, Vincent, V-I-N-C-E-N-T.
Cust1: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were a woman…
Me: ...May I have your name please. (standard question because that’s how we verified they were a registered owner)
Cust1: Vince Williams.
Me: I’m sorry, did you say Stinch?
Cust1: Vince, V-I-N-C-E same name as you boy…(he thought I was black too.)
So I finish the call and the phone rings again immediately after I hung up with Vince Williams:
Me: Tech support, this is Vincent Parker. (in a clear, deeper voice)
Cust2: Hi Vincent, I need tech support.
Me: Okay, may I have your name please?
Cust2: Mitten Adchareevulacul. (what?)
Me: Did you say Mitten? M-I-T-T-E-N?
Cust2: Yes…
I could not believe it, but sure enough there was a Mitten Adchareevulacul in the registration book. What are the odds or that happening on the very next call? Let alone at all? What kind of name is “Mitten” anyway?
Through the years on the phone, I’ve been mistaken for Dennis, Vance, Vinch, Stench, Ben, Benson, Trance, Trench, Gretchen, Finch, Pince, Prince, John? Smith, Wince, Pincent, Wincent, etc, etc…And Mitten!
A Liberal, Conservative and a Wiseman meet on a mountain top to discuss the Secret of World Peace…
Liberal: So what’s the secret of world peace?
Wiseman: The secret lies in the philosophical definition of a Liberal. And it is the Liberal who holds the power to unlock it.
Conservative: So what’s the philosophical definition of a Liberal?Wiseman: A Liberal is a progressive who chooses the losing end of arguments because the Conservative is too ignorant to do so.
Liberal: But that does not make any sense?
Wiseman: Precisely.
Conservative: But I don’t know what you mean?
Wiseman: Exactly.
Liberal: This is a stupid discussion, you’re wasting my time. I’m outta here. (The Liberal backs down and leaves the mountain. )
Conservative: Wait, I think I am getting it…The Conservatives already use the secret, so are on the winning end of arguments, but don’t know why? Right?
Wiseman: Correct.Conservative: So tell me why?Wiseman: Wrong question.
Conservative: Well, uh, tell me what the secret is?
Wiseman: Right question, but the Conservative already uses the secret, and merely revealing what is already used, won’t impact the progression of World Peace. As I said, the Liberal holds the power to unlock it.
Conservative: So it’s the Liberal who needs to know the secret?Wiseman: Precisely.
Conservative: But he’s not here!
Wiseman: Exactly…
Learn the Secret of World Peace here.
Disappointed Bush seen here with Bolton after Bolton is spotted holding hands with Howard Dean in bathroom.
Shortly after, Bush recants Bolton’s appointment as US Ambassador to the UN.
Unfazed, and in an unprecedented move, Bush quickly ‘outsources’ Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Abdullah to the task of US Ambassador to the UN.
(This incident officially never happened, and neither did the banning of all related photos.)
